Chapter 5 - A Broken Heart
Susan lay
in her soft bed with the duvet wrapped around her, exposing only her head; she
looks as if someone has sucked the life out of her, tears welled up in her
eyes. It has been two days since Alex
was taken from her. Susan remembers
screaming at the Trauma team as they arrived at her home; she screamed ‘what
took you so long, he’s dying!’ The
medical team struggled for twenty minutes to stop the bleeding in a desperate
act to stabilise Alex but it was all in vain.
Susan could do nothing but watch as the love of her life, slipped away
before her very eyes; the life draining from his. She remembers that with his last moments,
Alex spent them smiling at Susan, telling her that everything will be ok. Susan
recalls the medical team telling her that Alex was gone and there was nothing
more that they could do; how her hearing started to fade and that she could
only see their mouths moving without the words to accompany them. Susan starts to cry, her heart is
breaking. All she can think of is how
she would watch as Alex would walk up her path, smiling as she opened the door
and how he gave his live to protect Susan and her child. Susan’s emotions intensify and she feels as
if she cannot breathe. No one in this world
can change the way she feels and she blames herself for his death. Susan thinks to herself ’If he didn’t meet
me, he’s still be alive; he gave his live for us!’ Susan’s mother enters the room and walks
towards the bed speaking to Susan but the words again are silent. Her mother sits on the end of the bed and
starts to stroke her hair but Susan is numb, feeling as if she is totally
alone. Susan cannot be comforted by
anyone right now as after all, she feels that her heart stopped beating, the
moment Alex’s did. When Alex died, all
hope of romance and love for Susan, died with him. Susan’s imagination is vivid right now and
she is picturing Alex lying alone on a cold slab and all she wants right now is
to be near him. She closes her eyes to
try to sleep but her tortured soul will not let her rest. Susan’s mother kisses her on the cheek and
then walks out of the bedroom and down the stairs to join Susan’s brother and
close friend Lucy. Lucy and Jack both
turn their heads as she turns the corner from the stairs. ’How is she?’
Asked Lucy. Susan’s mother shakes
her head and says ’She’s lost within herself, I can’t get through to her at all
and I don’t know what to do!’ Susan’s
brother Jack says ’Do you want me to try mum, we can’t leave her alone up there,
she needs support?’ Susan’s mother sits
down on the sofa where Alex spent the last minutes of his life, the blood stain
still apparent to the right of her feet.
Susan’s mum looks concerned at Jack and says ’let's give her some time;
she’ll come round when she’s ready!’
Lucy looks at Jack and asks ’what about the funeral Jack, will she be
able to go?’ Jack looks at his mum and
then back at Lucy and speaks ’I really don’t know Lucy……whether she’ll be able
to face it or on the other hand whether it would be appropriate or not as the
Police said that he was married and I don’t think that our Susan needs to have
a run in with anyone while she’s feeling fragile!’ Susan’s mother says ’let's just see what
happens, there is plenty of time before the funeral and that decision can only
be made by Susan and Susan alone!’ Susan
sits upright in bed and slowly swings her legs over the edge onto the carpeted
floor. She feels heavy but still needs
to check on her daughter to see if she is ok.
Susan gets up from the bed and opens her bedroom door, and walks across
the landing to Aimee’s bedroom. As Susan
enters Aimee’s bedroom, she can hear her tiny breathing coming from the bed. Susan walks over to Aimee, leans over her and
places a little kiss on her forehead before standing upright again, turns and
leaves. Susan walks down the stairs into
the living room and immediately looks at the stain on the floor where Alex
lay. Everyone in the room seemed shocked
and immediately stands up to go to her. Susan’s lower lip starts to tremble and the
tears flow quickly from her eyes; she speaks through it none the less ’it's my
fault mum, I killed him by bringing him into my shitey life, and he died
because I married the wrong man, I’m shit!’
Susan’s mother throws her arms around her, telling her ‘don’t you dare
blame yourself; you didn’t stick the knife in him, that bastard Peter did it,
not you, and now that the police have him, he’ll rot in hell!’ Susan crying ‘but he wouldn’t have been here
if it wasn’t for me!’ Susan’s mother
assertive ‘if Alex was the man that I think he was, he would be happy knowing
that both you and Aimee are safe and that he was here to protect you……..you
can’t blame yourself!’ Susan breaks down
more, her body trembling with emotion ‘I could feel him when he wasn’t here,
none of you can understand that and I could feel his strong heart fading as he
died!’ Susan’s mother smiles and says ‘I
know honey, I know!’ Jack and Lucy walk
forward and both throw their arms around the pair as they stand in the middle
of the floor and they all share in Susan’s loss. In times of loss and despair, it helps us to
feel the loving embrace of the special people in our lives who unconditionally
love us, those who will drop everything, regardless of how busy or how far away
they may live so that they can be by your side during our hour of need. That night when Susan returned to bed, she
opened a window to let some air into the room.
As she lay in the dark, only the street lighting acted as any source of
light as it poured in through her translucent curtains. Susan felt lost, not knowing what to do. She closed her eyes and imagined that Alex
was opening her bedroom door. As he
entered the room she sat up right, tears streaming from her tired eyes and he
smiled. Alex approaches her bed and then
sits on the edge asking ‘what’s the matter Susan, why are you crying?’ Susan can barely speak, the tears choking her
once more ‘I lost you and I don’t know what to do, I miss you so much!’ Alex lifts his right hand and gently strokes
Susan’s face wiping the tears from her eyes; and in a soft tone says ‘I never
left you Susan, and never will…….you taught me how to love again and it’s that
love for you that will keep me with you always!’ Susan leans her face into Alex’s hand and
then with both of her hands, cups his hand and starts to kiss it ‘I’ve loved
you since the first time that I met you, and I can’t stand the thought of not
waking up next to you every day and growing old together!’ Alex smiles at Susan and says ‘Susan, I’m
here with you now and I promise you that I will never leave you alone in this
world, our love will bridge all time!’
Susan is sobbing as she moves forward and throws her arms around him,
kissing his face, her grip strong as she squeezes Alex tightly. Alex wraps his arms around Susan and pulls
her into him telling her ‘I have to go now, but I’ll come back to you, my heart
was dead before, then I met this beautiful girl called Susan and she brought me
back to life, I will return to you no matter what great distances I may have to
cross but please believe me when I say that I will not leave you!’ As Alex speaks his last words, he starts to
fade away and Susan’s arms seem to move through him. Susan screams ‘please don’t leave me, please
stay!’ As Susan leans back onto her
pillows, she looks down at her duvet where Alex was sitting and notices a large
imprint in the shape of him. Once more
the tears stream down her face except this time, they are tears of
happiness. Susan then moves her long
hair round beneath her nose and sniffs her hair smelling the distinctive smell
of Alex’s aftershave. She then lifts up
her woolen jumper and does the same and again, Alex’s smell is on her clothes. Susan laughs through her tears as she crawls
into bed as she knows that in some form or another, Alex was with her in her
room. There is no simple scientific
explanation as to how this could happen but Susan doesn’t care, the main thing
is that Alex came back to her and that somewhere in the universe around her, he
still lives on and that she is not alone in the darkness. Perhaps when two people love each other with
such intensity that the very fabric of the universe can be torn asunder,
bringing time itself to stop so that two lovers can meet again in the hope of
finding a lasting happiness. Elsewhere
in the darkness of the police coroner’s office; Alex is lying alone in a large
metal sliding drawer. The room is silent
with only the hum of the refrigeration in the background. Inside the metal drawer, Alex lies naked, his
body lifeless and his face peaceful with his eyes closed. Suddenly his back arches upwards whilst
drawing in a large gasp for air echoing loudly within the metal box and his
eyes are wide open.
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