Chapter 2 - Life in the fast
lane
Alex felt disappointed in the way his life had
turned out. One minute he was rumored to
be the smartest and most capable student in his school submitting pieces of
work to local universities, to his peers, a marvel of a child. Alex’s career on leaving school was a similar
story. Within a short space of time in a
new job, Alex would progress faster than most others and would be offered
promotions to try to match his position to his abilities. Once again, Alex would shine with whole
departments and branches relying on his performance so that they could all
achieve their bonuses. If he took
holiday leave, all hell broke loose.
Alex discovered that somewhere along the path of life, he made a few
wrong decisions which lead him to waken up one morning, look in a mirror and
realise that he is courier. Where did it
all go wrong? Motivation for Alex had
become a major issue. When his alarm
clock went off, he would get a terrible sickening feeling in his stomach as he
knew that his day ahead would not satisfy his craving to achieve. Nevertheless, Alex still got out of bed and
lived up to his responsibilities, regardless of how depressed his job would
make him feel. Each day, Alex would
climb into his van, put on his seatbelt, start the ignition and then sit and
enjoy a cigarette before pulling away from his home. His journey to work would consist of the
exact same route along the back roads at five fifteen in the morning with a
short stop off to watch the sun rise.
The roads were dead and only the odd bird or fox could be seen during
his journey. Alex on many occasions
would tell his colleagues on arrival at work, that he had stopped remembering
his journey in the mornings as each occasion was totally uneventful and lacking
any distinguishing points of interest and he felt that he could never tell them
about his need to watch the sunrise as they would mock him. Alex was unaware
that on this particular day, he was about to receive a very big wakeup call
that would start off a series of possibly life changing events. On his approach to work, Alex found his route
blocked for the first time in years and therefore had to take a small detour to
allow him to reach his destination. As
Alex turned an unfamiliar corner, the back of his van spun out of control after
hitting an oil spillage and he was quickly thrown into a full spin, as Alex
fought against the spin he found himself sitting in the early hours of the
morning blocking three lanes on a stretch of road, his heart racing, a trickle
of sweat running down his brow. Instead
of moving off, Alex got out of his van to breathe and crouched over staring at
his feet. As he straightened himself up
again, he asked himself ‘what the hell am I doing here?’ As he looked around there was a near silence,
apart from the sound of his diesel engine.
Alex thought to himself ‘I could have died here, alone, unhappy and
probably virtually unmissed. The air was
cold and Alex could see his breath floating up past his face. In the distance, he could hear the sound of
an approaching engine. As the vehicle
grew closer, Alex could see that it was a large lorry. The lorry ground to a halt and activated his
hazard lights, the lorry driver shouting ‘Are you alright mate?’ Alex took a few seconds before answering and
then said ‘I think I am now mate, I’ll move out of your way!’ Alex climbed back into his van and then turned
in the direction of his workplace and slowly moved away from the scene of the
accident. Alex felt different for the
first time in a long time. Whilst in
work that morning, his colleagues commented that he was quieter than usual, and
he was. In his mind, he was thinking ‘I
have been given an opportunity to change my life!’ Alex spent the rest of the day smiling as he
knew that for some unfortunate individuals, they may never get a wakeup call
like this and because of it, he will not waste another moment. Alex arrived at Susan’s that morning at
around eleven thirty and for the first time, he didn’t feel uncomfortable in
her company. Usually Alex could feel a
tension between the two although on this occasion, the tension felt more like
attraction. Alex told Susan about the
accident and she was shocked and relieved that he was ok and for the second
time that day, someone cared to ask him ‘Are you ok?’ It had been a very long time since he was
last asked that question as no one ever seemed to feel the need to ask. Sometimes people get stuck in a rut and
because of this; we rarely ask the people we care for ‘are you ok?’ That day, Alex and Susan spoke longer than
usual and when Alex left, he felt a feeling of sorrow, as if by moving away
from Susan, someone had ripped his heart out of his chest. Alex was falling in love, and it was on a
scale that he had never experienced before.
Unfortunately for Alex, his wife wouldn’t be too enthusiastic about his
feelings towards another woman. Alex had
been married now for five years. He felt
as if they had been the longest five years imaginable and often made him
question why he had tied the knot in the first place. The truth of the matter is that he was duped
by a very manipulative woman who lured him into a false sense of security and
he fell for it. Sometimes, even the
smartest of people can fall for the most simplistic of ploys. Alex was miserable most of the time, hating
both his personal and professional life but he knew now that his life had to
change and he was going to do it no matter what it may take. Alex arrived at his home, parked his van and
went inside. It didn’t take long for him
to discover that his wife was in one of her black moods as she called it and he
knew that he was in for one hell of a night.
Alex said ‘hello’ to his wife and she immediately started to ridicule
him about everything and anything. Alex
tried to be friendly and helpful but was quickly shot down with his wife
calling him useless and a waste of space and Alex was running out of
patience. It was a dry day and therefore
Alex decided that perhaps he should spend some time sitting outside and could
enjoy a smoke. It was a cold day but he
didn’t care as the cold outside failed in comparison to the temperature indoors
due to the mood of his wife. He lit up a
cigarette and sat looking up at the hills and skyline; he felt tranquility and
was happy to be alone. After his first
cigarette he decided to have another to keep him outside longer. He knew in his mind that his situation was
grim and he felt that long term, he would not remain with his wife. Alex did not love her anymore, a scenario
that she had brought on herself and in doing so, was pushing her husband away
towards the arms of another woman. Alex
thought to himself ‘if I were to leave today, apart from my money, would she
actually give a shit?’ Alex on the
outside exhibited absolute strength and control; to look at him, you would
believe that he was at peace with himself.
On the inside, Alex’s heart was breaking, his mind in turmoil and his
stomach in knots; he is depressed and repressed and he felt helpless. Alex stood up, putting his cigarettes and
lighter into his pocket and then walked back into the house, closing the patio
doors behind him. Back inside, Alex was
bombarded with more insults, negativity and had to bite his tongue; it had been
a long day and the last thing he needed was a row. Alex often wondered why he put up with the
abuse given his past of Martial Arts, Bodyguard work and his ability to distribute
much more raw power than his frame should allow; but he was bound by a lifelong
lesson taught to him by his father which dictated to never lay a hand on a
woman. Alex maintained this teaching
throughout his entire life and would never allow his temper to break, if it
should, bad things would happen and inevitably he would pay the ultimate
price. Alex was driven by defense and
not offence, never starting a confrontation but instead ending them with the
minimal amount of force needed. Alex was
raised as a Christian but had adopted many of the characteristics of a
Buddhist, trying his best to not hurt any living creature but instead to
respect all life in its many forms.
Unfortunately the Buddhist methods were not completely viable in his
environment forcing him to evolve his approach to fit in with western
lifestyles. Alex went to bed on this
evening thinking about Susan, in his mind he could see her smile as he
approached her door and an image as simple as this would act as a natural
sedative, sending him peacefully off to sleep.
The following morning Alex’s routine was business as usual. While in work, Alex was bored, restless and
removed from the environment around him.
On leaving the depot, his phone started to ring alerting him to a text
message. Alex stopped for a moment and
lifted his phone from his pocket, flipped open the cover and noticed that the
message was from a unrecognized number; expecting the message to contain a
request for a pick up or something, he started to read the text on his phone
and it simply read ‘Hi Alex, I think you’re sexy!’ Alex was dumbfounded by this message and
immediately put it down to his colleagues messing him around. He walked back into the depot and accused
them of, as he put it ‘Taking the piss’ and they were as surprised as him. His colleagues asked him to explain himself
and he simply told them ‘you know what the message said, knock it on the
head!’ Alex walked away from the depot
and climbed into his Van and then drove off out of the compound. Outside the depot, he was thinking about the
text and decided to pull over to the side of the road, open his phone and read
it again. Alex sat for a minute thinking
about the content of the message and then decided to text back ’who are
you?’ Several minutes later the mystery
caller responded saying ’A secret admirer!’
Alex rubbed the stubble on his chin and then smiled and started to type
into his phone ’How do you know me?’ The
mystery woman responded ’you deliver parcels to me!’ Alex looked concerned; he thought to himself
’could this be a set up by my wife or someone generally winding me up?’ Alex took a minute or two before contacting
the mystery woman again and typed ’Do I know you?’ Once again a minute or so passed and then the
text came in ’you should do, you spend long enough talking to me!’ Now Alex was really confused; his mind
working overtime trying to ascertain more information in the hope of
discovering the identity of this potential secret admirer. Alex thought to himself ’the only girl I
spend any time talking to would be Susan, but this couldn’t be her as she is
out of my league!’ Alex started to drive
again and after ten minutes his phone rang again but he keeps driving ignoring
it until his curiosity over takes him and he feels forced to pull over once
more. Alex looks at his phone and the
message reads ’do you not want to talk to me?’
Alex responds by saying ’this is a wind up, this better not be who I
think it is!’ Again, time passes before
the message comes through saying ’why don’t you believe me, you have a lovely
way about you!’ Alex stares at his
phone, tortured by his paranoia’s and insecurities; he cannot decide whether to
believe it to be real or not. Alex types
a short message ’what do you want from me?’
The response comes back with a direct message ’YOU!’ Alex is worried, at this point nearly having
rubbed the stubble off his face and his teeth grinding like crazy. Alex imagines Susan sitting with her phone
texting him, smiling as she reads his responses and a little smile appears on
his face. Alex feels a flutter in his
heart as he wishes the mystery woman to be Susan and he fantasizes about
walking up to her door, ringing the doorbell and Susan inviting him in, her
hair perfect, her eyes magnetic and her smile as he moves his lips closer to
hers. He can smell her perfume, can feel
the touch of her soft skin on his rough hands and the sweet taste of her lips
as he kisses her for the very first time.
Alex gently moves Susan backwards towards a wall where he starts to kiss
her neck listening to her moan and become breathless and his heart starts to
race beating hard through his chest.
Susan whispers in his ear ‘Alex, I want you to make love to me!’ Alex smiles at her and then picks her up in
his strong arms and carries her slowly up the stairs, one step at a time,
Susan’s bright eyes staring lovingly into his.
Alex knows that in his arms, Susan would always be safe from harm and
that the demons from the past would no longer taunt her as he now protects her
and is a force to be reckoned with. The
pair reaches the top of the stairs and make a right turn towards Susan’s
bedroom each step taking them closer to their own secret heaven. As Alex reaches for the door handle, he
suddenly hears the sound of his phone and he watches as Susan is wrenched out
of his mind as he returns to reality, realizing that he has an incoming call
from a friend. Alex runs his hands over
his face in disgust, presses the answer button on his headset and says ‘what’s
up?’ Alex’s mind drifted off during the
course of the telephone conversation thinking again about Susan, the messages
and his friend’s words were simply just bouncing off his brain. After ending the phone call, Alex started to
make his way through the city centre, his mind elsewhere and his eyes fixated
on the road ahead. As he made his
deliveries along his route, he felt an uneasy feeling knowing that he was not
an available guy, he was married after all and that he owed it to his wife and
himself to be loyal regardless of his unhappy personal life. On the other hand, this mystery woman had
started his heart to beat strongly once more, as for a long time; Alex had felt
dead inside thinking that life was quickly moving along in the fast lane
towards an undecided end. Did he not owe
it to himself to be happy and to make someone else happy at the same time? How many men can say that they met their
potential soul mate through some strange act of fate and that they lacked the
courage to act upon it, continuing to live a life of misery when perhaps they
should have just taken a leap of faith and given in to the forces of nature
that were driving them towards a brighter and happier future.
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